Wednesday, May 12, 2010


I didn't get into grad school. I found out after a beautiful drunken evening out, a month or so ago. Who doesn't love squealing coquettishly at the wondering hands of a frisky cougar? I had been chomping at the bit for a month, stalking the mailbox. The not knowing was tortuous. The quiet plunging truth was murderous. It felt great to be so focused, thinking, and writing, but I was still grasping in the dark. Grad School felt like what was supposed to be next. My heart wasn't exactly in it. This time on purpose. I wasn't really passionate about my ideas in my statement of purpose. I over thought everything. Where I have,had the most success, I didn't think about anything. I was just doing my thing. My thing works. What ever is next my thing will have to be big time because that is where I am at in my life.

The only thing I need to work on is losing weight. And that's been kind of a cool process. Like this calorie thing is full on. And I get it. Addition. Subtraction. Blah blah blah. It is astounding how quickly you can get to 2000 calories, let alone 5000 or more. Christ on the cross! The last thing I had for tonight was a Snickers Almond, all the time thinking to myself...Dude. I just went over my caloric intake today by 60 calories. Those calories become precious. You don't want to waste them on horseshit.

I'm also running. I was running Fall 09, but then the winter came and I caught a pretty wicked shin splint. I laid off big time, and put on more way than I care to admit. I mean most days, it's hilarious. Other days I'm dumbfounded. But I see what's gone down over the last 13 years. I used to workout 6 days a week up until the end of high school. I got to college and put the kaibash on all that shit, but kept eating. I mean I was active but not no 6 days a week shit. Frankly, I felt free in college. I found working out awful and trying. No mental toughness what so ever. Anyway, college and post college have all been about sex,drugs, rock n roll, booze, and food. These there's not enough sex, too much booze, too much food, and too much weed.

Do you know how much money I blow on weed?! The's a lubricant. I was thirsty once. Not so much now. The food...I eat a lot of...whenever. I'm working on all that shit. Mostly the food and sex thing. I mean, I would like to get laid by someone other than the occasional ex lover. Do you realize that I have had no new lovers since SideShow Bob? All the action I have gotten as of late has been with an ex lover. See recent posts, and my life in the last few weeks! I need to rectify that. Pero con quien?! Y cuando?

Talk about a long story. I haven't got it in me.