Tuesday, February 24, 2009

One of those nights...

I don't know what the next adventure is going to be, but it's time I start kickin up some dust to see what gives. Peace Corps? Teaching? Love? Balls! What?

I'm supposedly meeting m. next week for some evening activity. We'll see. All signs point to the same old shit sans sexual tension. Which could equal boring. I don't want to be an impatient meathead, and I hope she isn't wildly full of shit. There's like a 30% chance this will even be pleasant. Just promise me you'll dip out if the wackness does rear it's head...

I'm thinking about taking muay thai classes. Let's put a positive spin on that masochistic energy! And yes that delectable cougar is into it. Truth be told, that's reason #4675 why I shouldn't go to that gym. I'm not a beautiful preening animal yet. Who the fuck wants to see a piggy sweat?

Ugh tomorrow looms. I'll be alive but wanting more.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Jump and funk.

Hot for a 40 yeAr old straight woman? What is this? Sophomore year of college? Balls!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

My Bloody Valentine

Well not so bloody, just alone. It's not awful, I'm just remembering my posture. My new sexy bra is forcing the issue. As usual I'm more of a porker than I want to admit. But whatever I feel great, and I look great tonight.

I wanna go eat NYC up

Friday, February 13, 2009

Elegy

I just found out that my friend Wan Chen died in a horrifying bike accident in London. She's been gone now since September, but I only found out tonight flippin around on Facebook.


You know, you've got these far flung friends and you think of them from time to time and you hope all is well and usually it is. She was doing what she loved, and was married. Two things I remember us talking about on our long walks all over this town. I also remember her descibing a typical Taiwanese elementary school day while climbing rocks in central park. I remember her laughter, her effortless style and beauty. She was truly a friend. We easily created a space in ourselves to cradle one another's hopes, dreams, and memories. Those walks were saving graces.

In the back of ones mind you fear a moment like this. You're the friend from another time and place. We weren't fixtures in one another's lives. We were fondly remembered friends whose names and stories flickered briefly in anonymous ephemeral conversations where it was understood that one would never meet Verushka's friend WanChen and vice versa. How long would I have been ignorant to this loss? How long would my far flung friends being ignorant of my death?

Wan Chen you are light and love. I will cherish the precious time I spent with you here for as long as I live. Thank you. I love you lady.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Fucking Calvados!

I can't lie give me the drunken throbbing crush of the les enfants masses over the rest of the shite going down in NYC tonight. Admittedly, I was better off in bk tonight but I was feeling obligated to make it out into the city. Since I'm here I may as well make the most of it.

The gig is slowly becoming the wackness. It's not the kids or the work. It's managing the hysteria that's becoming the hassle. Who in the needs more cash if this is trade off? I need a new adventure, and I want it to be international. It's time...

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Grand Street

Christ what an emotionally exhausting day. Totally my fault but fuck it! M called last night. Thankfully I missed the call. The message was wildly whatever. I've no need for her friendship if this is what her friendship looks like. Besides all my true friends are like fuck that chick. I don't feel that way, but her voicemail speaks oodles and boodles towards her atitude towards me and power dynamics in general. She's never read Story of O and I've never made my piece with being a masochist.

on a separate note altogether, a professional development trainer told me that she thought I was an awesome person and said we could talk out side of work. Very exciting this afternoon, but here in the wee small hours I'm a little less bright eyed and bushy tailed on the matter.

It'll be nice to be home again.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

The Blackness

I frickin' love black people! This Wattstax doc reminds of home. I had to come to NYC to feel all that. We're world wide too. I have this massive crush on a French African woman named M. Her beauty is so tender and delicious! Evervescent bubbles of sexy are popping off her person everytime does a little jaitinho between people. She is thrilling. I can't take it...en plus I haven't been this attracted to a black woman in a long time. Well I suppose M counted, but she was such a confused viper about the whole thing. So uh...guess whose got a thing for mixed black identified women? That'd be me. Guess who sussed out her 'im not into black women' dilema? That'd be me too. The other M is happily married to a sweet beautiful man. I'm just the drunk American lesbo that she catches admiring her on occasion. She's wonderfully gracious about the whole thing, but it makes me squeal like a little girl! Christ, why can't she be gay? Or single? Ideally both. If the truth be told, my attraction to her is directly proportional to unavailability. Nothing new there. If I even got a whiff of homoness and not marriedness I would pursue with maximum intensity. I should really remember to take a breath right here. Slow burns are good too, no? The future is now and the simmering feels good. Its enough to drink her in from afar. Im even sparing in that. I only see M every now and then. Now that I think about it there's no ring to speak of...oh will you stop?! All of this hullabaloo from a hug and a hello.