Monday, January 08, 2007

There's a wierd gas leak in the city

Happy New Year. I spent it with my ex in DC. We seem to be on a roll. It was an amazing trip. 
By far the most emotionally honest, raw, and vulnerable exchange between us was had. I came away
from the trip loving her all the more, and feeling devastated. Like we've spent the last eight 
years doing things the wrong way...well maybe not the wrong way, but it was definately a 
case of the leading the blind.  We had no idea who the other person really was, we just 
got glimpes. It has been those glimpses that have kept us coming back I've realized. I've loved
 her so much all this time, but I could never just say I love you, and what I feel between us is 
bigger than college, bigger than my being BVD duty in your nonmonogamous relationship with 
someone else. I was such a misguided hot head. And really who isn't at 20?

She had no idea she was compartmentalizing so much of her life to escape shit 
from her past.  She's just now beginning to unlock all of that shite, and becoming infinately more human in the process.  These revelations explains her issues around food, sex, her general 
awkwardness, really like every fucking about her. So...where is all this going...she comes clean. You come clean. So what happens next? Well what happens next is your being totally thoughtless and falling back into y'alls old pattern. Sex wasn't what she needed that night, so why? We've spoken since. She's hurt. I'm hurt. She needs her space, which I understand. I just hope we can move on from here.