Thursday, November 29, 2007

Calgon take me away

I just saw this photo of a woman with her head in her hands staring rather stoically at the camera. She said that she doesn't smile in photos because she's Eastern European and a former matter of fact she was. That's me tonight. This week. Fuck....Calgon take me a away.  Right now I should be thrilled that I pretty much hugged in a super flirty way two way hot chicks. Like all of a sudden my office is filled with smokin' hot amazons. One is my usual green eyed blonde leggy human computer smart deliciousness. The other is like a flan. The richest her skin will get is like a carmelized sugar brown. At its palest it's an eggy brown. Ol' girl is like 6' of easy breezy cover girl, but she wasn't born with is in fact Maybelline. She reveals nothing. It's sick. I love it. Needless to say, I barely remember hugging the other chick.

We had this really insane fight today about all manner of shit that I could give a flying fuck about. Well some of it was important, but the content of the devolving conversation was weighted like a motherfucker. I liked that we got into it. I hate it that I seized up like a fucking maniac, but I saw something other than the usual bullshit.

You would think that I'd be loving life right now. I just got a sweet raise. I made some more inroads with Kennedy. Me and Katie talk almost everyday. I'm happy. I don't know what else to say. Shit's good.

But this chick. She brings out the chase in me. As much as I love that sensation, I hate it twice as much if the chase comes out, but there's nothing to show for it. Katie says it'll happen. We'll see. I mean if I had to do a tally thus far of precisely what has gone down she is definately not indifferent to me. On the other hand, we've been shitfaced during each encounter. Wednesday night was an anomaly. An anomaly that we just plain haven't talked about. I fucking hate that shit.

I don't need to be in the office past 2pm. Period.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Christ on the cross

Jesus Herbert fucking Christ! This strumpet is completely insane. Which strumpet, the internet inquires.....the Side Show Bob strumpet that's who! Two nights ago we got drunk and she ate apple bits off of my tits in front of our goddamn coworkers. Let's see what else...she sucked on my fingers and vice versa. All very hot, all very much a strange twist of events considering the post it and the ensuing email where she called me perpetually immature and passive aggressive. As is her wont the next day she called blaming the whole thing on the pitchers of sangria. Fucking spare me! Don't blame the booze for sucking on my fucking tit, you stupid drunk slut of a human being. Alcohol might be a dissociative drug, but that does not excuse her behaviour. If you're not interested fucking behave responsibly. Ofcourse I'm still hot for her. Why even ask? Needless to say, next week when I go back to work I'm going to have to pretend like she's office furniture. That's annoying. It's annoying because I thought something had changed. Oh, how wrong I was. More on this later. Dinner beckons.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Broken Hearts Are For Assholes

Oh good Christ!

So guess who got a fucking post it note rejection sticky? That's right. Yours truly. Am I upset at being shot down. Sure. Am I livid at the post it note method. Um...oh my my oh hell yes! And frankly, Side Show Bob had ample opportunity to say "You're very sweet. I don't want you to get the wrong idea. " Long before Tuesday morning. LOooooooong before. I've sat here all day seething, knowing that any response would and will come off as bitter and emotional. I gotta tell ya...lesbos suck. I suck for trying to get my honey where I get my money, she sucks coz' she's spineless.

I'm never gonna be cool NYC lesbo, and you know what...I don't want to be one. Fuck these hags.

Well until next time atleast.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

The Party Went Well

It's true the party did go really well. It wasn't like my normal ragers, but awesome none the less. A little bit more grown up even. The one I'm currently hot for showed up with her little fucking watchdog that I invited! Oh the horror. I thought that chick was cool, but she's lame the way all POC scensters are lame.
 Everything is a fucking judgemental therapy session. So what happend last weekend? 
Me and my friends got shitfaced, traded fistacuffs, and generally owned the night. Last night was no different, just a better vibe....that I created. I am the black gold of the sun. That is what I should have told that hag when the first question out of her mouth was "What happend last weekend?" Not...oh nice place....or thanks for having me....but What happend last weekend? Girl, I don't have to explain shit to you. Argh...Enough. I want to get back to the other one that is rather slippery. Our chemistry seriously reminds me of Kennedy and me 8 years ago. I feel heat more than most. Me and this other one are simmering. I fucking hate simmering. And coolness makes me even crazier.

I suck at being cool. All I wanted to do was talk to her. Take her in. Impossible when you the hostess and equally impossible when she insists on surrounding herself with others wiht me always on the periphery. It's like that how she asserts herself. Jesus, that's a thought.  She is just as aware of me as I am of her. Why isnt' that enough to just cut to the chase? Dude...the exact same lame shit with Kennedy. She and I are not indifferent to one another.

Bah! I'm gonna go finish cleaning club casa.

Oh quickly a note about dinner with said hot one. It was awesome. I mean really. We actually have quite a bit in common. And it's at that dinner that I really sensed something was a foot.
She likes me. I saw it on her lovely grill walking up to my party. God...I just wanted to talk to her and my pride wouldn't let me. Fuck.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Mushrooms & Mazzy Star

Oh my god. Queer Eye is mean, but oh so true. I'm glad the apartment is clean. I'm about to destroy this place again with a party. We'll see who shows. Yes. Yes. I've been down this road...throw a party ....hoping against hope that atleast two chicks I'm hot for to show up. There will probably be another blog lamenting their cruel absenteeism. I'm suppose to have dinner with a certain amazonian pipsqueek.  She is so goddamned arrogant I love it. We'll see...she might bail on that. I wonder if I should shroom again this weekend...hmm...

Oh! Check this shit out! I'm trolling craigslist last night, and I randomly come across a post that is titled...mushrooms & mazzy star. All the posting said was prove.

Saturday night I took mushrooms, a certain angry pacific islander tried to destroy my mp3player which frickin has all this Mazzy start on it, and railed about how I was a coward and how she always remembers.

I know she wrote that post. Not but 20 minutes later after my responding to it, did it disappear.

I'll see her Friday.

*cue the twilight zone theme*

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Verushka & the Hangovers

Christ. What a night last night was. Fist fights. Party crashing. A visit to blueballville. All in all a super fun night. I say all that but it is not without dark undertones. One of my closest friends in this town has a very serious problem with rage and maybe the marching powder. Technically, she's attacked me three times. Two of those times went down last night. Basically, she texted me the night before reminding me to bring the lace. I responded appropriately. I went to bed, and woke up late. I rushed out of the house and subsequently forgot her damnable lace. She seethed over this pretty much afternoon then by six started kicking me, attacking me, and spilling shit on me. I responded in kind. Twice! And once on mushrooms! I don't mind a physical altercation or two when I'm drinking. I'm a total redneck like that. I tried to grapple with Michael last night. That man is like 230 (as if) and kind squat like me. We could fucking be related. Anyway, my trying to grapple him was for giggles. This shit with ol' girl is heavy. I think she feels more for me than she lets on to anyone, herself included. That seems to be a running theme in this town full of these hot go getter types. So fearful of being out of control, is it any wonder that the exterior is so rigid? It is out of sheer necessity, because what lies underneath is fucking molten. I ususally want in, if it's deriviate of a hither to untapped river hot house sexuality. Which brings me to the latest of these hot go getter types. I'm not gonna lie she excites me, and yes part of that excitement absolutely has something to do with her bein
g 6.0 flat footed. Then there's the knockers thing, she's got a fantastic rack. Well, one can never be to might be a super awesome bra. *grin* I doubt it though. She's a shameless flirt, who may have finally met her match. Like I said, she excites me.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

A Goddamned Christmas Miracle

Christ! I've spent the last two nights fighting with this thing. It took fucking forever to recover this blog from the clutches of the old blog.

Where to begin? Ah...

First. I am a god awful windbag after doing a toot. (However, in my defense that party was LAME)

Second. The always alluring and utterly enchanting c was at said party. I feel like we are always both very aware of when the other is on their periphery. 
At one point everything and everyone magically disappeared and there was just the two of us. Our conversation came in fits and starts. It was as if we were both surprised to be there even though we both wanted to be right where we were. I am deeply smitten. Very goddamn desirable. VERY.

I'm thinking about leaving new york. I'm thinking about going back home. I'm thinking about going out to see the world. My lack of international travel save for when I was an army brat, shames me.

Third. This job is completely insane, yet I'm comfy as hell. Hell really is other people. Good god.

I'm sick of solitude and celibacy, but who the fuck are we kidding! I'm going for quality from here on out. Quality knows what she wants, says as much, and lets those she truly loves privy to what's under the vest without all the frivolity and bullshit games. I try to be as naked as humanly possible at all times. A goddamned up hill battle in waist deep snow living in this freak scene, but I'm making out alright. I feel like my anger and indignance remind me that I used to be completely naked all the time.

God I'm a fucking stoned out windbag. It never freakin ends. Fuck.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

God..I've been I god whatever

Dude, I'm ove this town. I'm not even funny anymore. I just try not to die from nine to five. I'M LESBO. HERE ME ROAR!

I think Texas is calling me, but I cannot go back home. Onward!


Onward through the fog!

I need to go live in another country. I need feelings of validation that only come with living from where you are not for years to justify this existence. Screw youth development. Screw those little beasts, and the feckless shitheads that call themselves helping the youth. Myself included!

You know what I want? I want to go back to being a drunk riff raffy n'er do well. Children change all that, and they are not even mine!!!!

You know what I've started telling the kids as of late?? I've started telling themthat they are the best birth control ....EVER! And I'm not even into dudes.

Mind you, it's not the kids. It's everything that comes with being a grown up.

The fucking bill paying.

The no-pussy ever thing

The arriving in a timely fashion to important things.

The world would have you think that these things are integral to being a decent human being. Well fuck all that ! Arrrgh!!!

Saturday, April 07, 2007

oh how the tables have turned

Good lord it's been a while. i'm writing this particular entry on my phone. I love this toy. the I phone will probably be awesome. Anyways, that isn't what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about friendship. Like in New York one pretty much makes friends from work or heavy diet of drinking at the same bar for years. Back home in Austin become friends behind some random encounter, and then chill at each other's crib the entire day and or night. Those are two very disparate ways of becoming friends. So I guess my question is, how do you become friends with someone that you don't work with or drink with? Is there even a possibility?

Monday, January 08, 2007

There's a wierd gas leak in the city

Happy New Year. I spent it with my ex in DC. We seem to be on a roll. It was an amazing trip. 
By far the most emotionally honest, raw, and vulnerable exchange between us was had. I came away
from the trip loving her all the more, and feeling devastated. Like we've spent the last eight 
years doing things the wrong way...well maybe not the wrong way, but it was definately a 
case of the leading the blind.  We had no idea who the other person really was, we just 
got glimpes. It has been those glimpses that have kept us coming back I've realized. I've loved
 her so much all this time, but I could never just say I love you, and what I feel between us is 
bigger than college, bigger than my being BVD duty in your nonmonogamous relationship with 
someone else. I was such a misguided hot head. And really who isn't at 20?

She had no idea she was compartmentalizing so much of her life to escape shit 
from her past.  She's just now beginning to unlock all of that shite, and becoming infinately more human in the process.  These revelations explains her issues around food, sex, her general 
awkwardness, really like every fucking about her. So...where is all this going...she comes clean. You come clean. So what happens next? Well what happens next is your being totally thoughtless and falling back into y'alls old pattern. Sex wasn't what she needed that night, so why? We've spoken since. She's hurt. I'm hurt. She needs her space, which I understand. I just hope we can move on from here.