Monday, March 27, 2006

Fuckin Hell

I fucking lost my wallet again. Fucking again. And yes that new bank card my mom sent me was in there. Fucking bullshit. Like I was hoping today would make up for a crappy ass weekend, but no...it just proved to be the icing on the motherfucking cake. I'm trying to be optimistic, but easier said than done when I'm trying to pull myself out of a kind of major depression. Like for the last few months all I do when i get home is undress and lay on the couch. Sometimes working out helps but only for a bit. I had a good cry over it on sunday. Like I thought I had this shit beat. For the last year or so I've been really good. But lately...it's definately taken a turn for the worse. That was a rather sobering realization. This morning was such fucking bullshit. Goddamned ghetto ass cab drivers. Some fucking dickhead was trying to charge me 40 bucks to get to Thompkins Square Park. That sorry son of a bitch can rot! I told him as much. God knows where that fucking thing is...I've been calling police precints all day. Christ on the fucking cross...

Friday, March 24, 2006

Friday, March 17, 2006

Oh Mumsy...

God Mom said she'd send me her bank card. I mean I can see her reticence, but I've got 21.46 to live on for the next two weeks. She can't possibly let her daughter live like this. I am however completely and totally paid up with the rentski, but I still am going to have to show my face in court. Lesson learned, I'll pay my rent on time forever more.

As for the Russian...things are infinitately better, but only because I made a choice for it to be that way. I feel very proud of myself in that regard. Like I chose not to sit in shit. Does it mean I find her any less annoying or syrupy...not really, but I'm willing to be decent if only for my poor bruised knuckles.

I'm re-reading the Magus. I do that everytime I'm feeling like I want to get the fuck out of dodge.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Conviction

I'm so gutwrenched, but I have to be harsh with myself. She's a fuckin' faker. Her sincerity means shit. You have got to remember that.

Monday, March 13, 2006

What in the holy fuck??

Ok so I just read this article about HIV research. HIV might not cause AIDS. Profilic toxicity might be the cause in CONJUCTION with HIV. Like if you snort 15 rails of Tina off of Pablo's, Manolo's, Steve's, and Jared's ass over the course of an evening say for 3 years and fuck like a bunny with no jimmy that is your ass! Quite literally. It makes me rethink my willy nilly attitude toward drug use. Really how I treat my body in general. I always jokes about being orca fat but I"m not havin that shit...yes. Capoeira kicked my ass this morning. I should go my time is almost up. I have to go to the bank and send the man some money. I think I"m turnin' over honey.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Fuckin' Freaks

Stupid girl. Stupid Verushka. Maybe Margarita is right. I am bored. I made myself miserable Saturday night behind that woman. And fucking Catty Shack was not helping. What a cheese dick scene. They played a track from the Grease soundtrack. Fucking Grease. I paid 5 fucking dollars to drink over priced shit and Grease. I am NEVER setting foot in that place again. On a lighter note my workout was good this morning even though I was totally late, because I was bummin' over this girl. And mind you...mind you! All of it means nothing...there is nothing...her cryptic love of platonic intensity can fuckin' blow me. I already went through that shit in college. Hello...does anyone remember Cory? Or that summer with Katie? Atleast they were deserving. But this one...what of my tender feelings for her. She doesn't give a shit. You should have seen the hug she gave me at the end of the night. Total bullshit one armed pussy nonsense. Fuck her I say! I am taking that anonymous poster's advice and saying bete pa la carajo! contra mujer!

Ok so an hour or so ago some random asshole wanted to use my computer. He just wanted to check his email for a few minutes. I was nice, but on the inside I was like motherfucker do you see the times we're living in? Are you fuckin CIA or what?

I'm getting a bit of a headache. I better split. I no I have got no conviction when it comes to the crazy russian, but I will try again this week to retreat.