Sunday, October 24, 2004

She's involved, but came to say hello anyway. I asked her if she was in love, she just squeezed my arm, made a face, and then walked off. At the end of the night I asked her if I was barking up the wrong tree. That's where she told me she was involved, and that the timing was off. Screw timing we are talking about love. Like watching her with the person she's involved cubes give off more heat. There was no chemistry between them. None.

I did find out that she's a Lutheran and sings in the church choir. Good god. I should read up on these Lutherans.

I didn't think she was going to come out last night. I was happy and annoyed at the same time when I saw her. Happy because I saw her. Annoyed coz she was with that yeti. Mind you, I bear no ill will toward that person; I'm just like that's my scat!

I swear to christ I have never felt this way about someone before. And I've certainly never reacted this strongly to an obvious stranger. I'm not crazy this woman could be a total loser bitch, but I just know she's not and that we're meant for each other. Apparently love at first sight really does happen.

I'm the Prince and she's the fox. I'll tame her yet with patience.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

It's been a while. The party was a success, but the pretty Nordic blonde was MIA. I knew she wasn't gonna show. *sigh*

An image:

An image :

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Oh head! Fucking store meetings are so bogus. Band of ass kissing fascists. Anyway, I'm having a party tomorrow. Hopefully it'll be something of a rager. And the people that I don't want to show up definately are not showing up. Woo Woo! Trust, my feelings are not hurt that they'll be partying at the Hudson Hotel.

I just finished this book called The Traitors by John Briley. Apparently he had something to do with Cry Freedom and Gandhi. I remember those two being pretty fantastic films. This book was pretty amazing as well. Talk about capturing the humanity in war and all that that entails. I found this book randomly on the street in Manhattan. It was big and looked interesting. The Traitors did not disappoint. I love picking up random books. Tonight I'm going to start on Plato's The Republic good and proper.

I'm working with Fly Magazine. That is an endless source of fantastical joy and profound frustration. This magazine has such potential, and yet...there is one particular short-sighted individual that is driving me batty. Actually after this blog I need to email this person and let them know what's up.

Looks like I can buy 9 1/2 Weeks the novel waiting til January 2005. Here's a goal Verushka...get another fuckin' job by then. Christ on the cross.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Christ on the cross, the computer is giving me fits today. I'm miserable with the thought that I may have turned off Lady X before anything has been turned on.. Oh woe is me...woe is me! Like if she doesn't show at the party, I'm going to get sooooooo blotto. *grin* or as Peaches likes to say...Fuck the pain away. Just kiddin' I hate casual sex. My friend Alvin seems to think I've fucked that particular situation for good, like the only person who can help me now is god. I hope for my sake he's just a dower old German married dude.

Love is a cold and broken hallelujah...Leonard Cohen and Jeff Buckley...tell it like it is...

God, just give me another chance with her...please. No bullshit.

You would think that loitering around the offices of a non prof where a friend works would be a ok, but I'll be damned if the higher ups around here think I'm one of the crazies they help with lightening fast typing skills.

So a "friend" of mine told me the other night that he didn't know if he could be friends with me because I'm 'into' white women. What the fuck does that mean?? Does Skittle's mantra "Taste the Rainbow" only resonate with me and me alone?? I don't fuckin' hate myself because I haven't dated a woman of color in years...who gives a shit...while I won't go as far as to say pussy is pussy...but we all have the same parts and lords knows they all taste good. Hehehehehehehe...

The lust in my heart could give a flying fuck about color. The lust in my heart responds to something a bit more primordial.

Check this shit out...I've a friend who has known that he was HIV positive since 2002, but he hasn't told his best friend from high school and college. His reasoning?? She lives out of state. All these pseudo revolutionaries cum yuppies all know about my friend's status, but his real friends?? One like I said doesn't know...and I found out randomly from another mutual friend. Someone he met up here in NYC. Who gives a fig about the people up here. Did they see you grow from the gangly queeny 14 yo to the man you are today?? Fuck no...but they get to know what's up with you. I'm really hurt and angry behind this whole thing, but I have to hold my tongue because revealing his status would be way more of a shithead thing to do than his not saying anything to one of his closest friends. That's queer life for ya. I mean, I always felt like our generation (I'm 26) would know better...use out meaningful loving monogamous relationships...the whole shebang....but hasn't gone down like that one iota.

Saturday, October 02, 2004

So I got majorly hammered last night, and was a complete aggro jealous meathead with Lady X.. En plus, I got to work 3hrs late. I hated seeing her flirt with all these other fucks. Save for my drunken state I was the hottest piece there. I am so taken with her, and normally my jealousy is totally manageable. I may snarl to a friend about my feelings, but with her it just kept erupting. The booze was not helping.

I wonder if I loved her in another life. I wonder if I'll ever see her again.

There's more to this, but I gotta git.