Wednesday, September 29, 2004

When it rains it pours. The interview went relatively well, but he said he wanted someone with garment experience. I'll find out by Friday, what the ding dang is. Just now my boss at the retail hell gig told me that I'll be getting a pay raise on the next check. So if I don't get the Admin Assistant gig, I'll atleast be making $12/hr now. *grin* That's not a terrible situation, no? I'm so drained right now. All day I've felt torn, and right now I have to go meet with Sec about Fly magazine. I should get a move on, where is Spring and Lafayette?? Well I know where it's at, but I wanted to be walking in a different neck of the woods. *grin*

I can't wait to go home and smoke...well I can't actually...I'm going to Erin's (the girl who hooked me up with the interview) for Scrabble, hopefully she'll have some dope there...

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Site hits jumped from 9 to 42 in a matter of a week and a half. God, today has been a day. I left my keys to the crib, completely forgetting that I have to open the store in the morning. That really threw me off. I just was not in the mood for work. Then I was overwhelmed by oscillating neuroses. First, I was freaking because I wanted a gaurantee from Christ himself that Lady X was going to show at my party, then I was like 'Oh for godsake she's got the whole queer nation on her jock, pray tell what have you got to offer you broke ass pigeon head?!' Those kinds of racing thoughts leaves one exhausted. En fucking plus, the day went by so slow today. Then I find out that the DJ I lined up for my party double booked. So now I may have to toss the dice with craigslist or go back on friendster and beg for a DJ. *grumble* Like I said it's been a day.

I have got to stop being such a chicken shit and start pounding the pavement again for gainful employment. AA was not suppose to be a permanent gig. Good god. But on a lighter note, the meeting last night with the Fly Magazine Staffers went well. I still don't know what the fuck I'm doing for Fly as the Marketing/PR Coordinator, but it was a good meeting none the less. Sec touched on some points that I'd been wanting him to address for quite some time. Namely, centralization of the operation. We bloody well need office space. Also, I may intern for America magazine. Apparently it's some hip new fangled POC type magazine. The marketing lady there emailed me back today saying that she would ask around for me. That was pretty cool.

Oh my fucking god!!!!!! So my friend Erin just called me with an admin assistant gig that would start monday. I go in for the interview tomorrow at 9am. Fuck yes! God give me the gig so I can give these mother fucks the bird! Ok let's see what happens. Keep a cool fucking head! I know I know...there are finances to worry about. Timing is totally everything!

Sunday, September 26, 2004

I love the band American Watercolor Movement. They're based out of Jersey, but I saw them at the Mermaid Parade or some shit on Coney Island. It's like the soundtrack to my fantasy bohemian life here in the city. I would love to hang out at a party of theirs. So the new issue of Fly Magazine is out. It looks great. But I want to see my efforts in the mag, I'm gonna talk to Sec about that tomorrow when I see him. This magazine has got so much potential. I wonder if this magazine will rescue me from retail hell. Like the owner of the company is now takin' suspect fotos of 15yos and calling it exploring sexuality in advertising. Did the sentence before last require a question mark?

I'm so not feelin' gainful employment on this Sunday. Really I would like to sleep.

So I'm planning a party for the 15th of October. Yes's just a rouse. I needed to create a venue for another meeting with Lady X. There's no guarantees, but that's no reason not to do it. It's been a while since I've talked this crazy, but Lady X could be another addition to the pantheon of archetypal goddesses. Looks like I'm still puttin' the ladies on a pedastal. But not really, because the moment I'm about to start hyperventilating over Lady X, I think to myself...well does she look like the type to spit a beer on you while your touching yourself for her? Or would she let my fuck her on her knees, not pumping her hips until I give the word? Like I know nothing about her except what my body and the ether around my body is perceiving about her body and her ether. I trust that perception. I just can't trust her mind or soul as readily. I think I learned that much with Cotto.

My mom's in town with my stepdad. She thinks he's cheating. I really hope not. I totally consider them my parental units, you know? Like it's always them that are there for me.
She's really hurt behind this too. It's manifesting in a migraine every morning. Christ, I really hope Clarence didn't do it.

On a lighter note...yesterday I made a complete ass of myself in front of this Irish couple. The guy was talking about how walkin' in NYC was killin' him. I was like, "I hear ya...if you're not used to walking around town, by the end of the day you're comin' back to your hotel on bloody stumps." Turns out dudener had a titanium knee cap and plastic knee cap respectively. Christ on the I an asshole or what?!

Friday, September 24, 2004

And to think!! And to think I was secretly gnashing my teeth and beating my breast at a percieved blunder in timing. Like when Lady X said let's meet at "Ballin' With My Bois" did she mean the preview weekend or the actual opening weekend? I sat out on the West Side piers chuggin' a shiraz mentally preparing for a gross miscalculation in the looks dept. or a total no show. She showed, and looked fanfuckingtastic. God help me.

So I found out that insufferable beauty's name. Harumph. Lotta damn good it did. Apparently, I'm going to have to call on the spirit of Cool Hand Luke for this one. It wasn't the beer goggles, she really is a stunner in all the ways I dig. Here's the thing though, I can't be bothered with playing chase. To be sure I want her something fierce, and it's been a long time since I've felt this way, but still...if she wants it she can come over and get it. *grin* I love the bravado post shameless come on from the night before. I mean it though...I'm not some dime a dozen piece of bangtail to be relegated to the 'we run in the same crowd' load of shite. Oh, I still have all intentions of hittin' the scene like a fiend...I'm just going to call on the Spirit of Cool Hand Luke before hand. Hopefully, that'll be enough.

So this morning I made the transition from dreaming to waking in the strangest way...I could have sworn I saw the phrase "Pimper's Paradise" flashing on my alarm clock. That was pretty hilarious. I'm so not a pimp.

I should prolly split soon so I can smoke le'herb before mumsy gets home. I must admit, I was totally high today after last night. I'm just not about being all mysterious and shit. Transparency is the name of the game for me. Apparently, that's not hip in this freak city. You know what else I've realized...I am a totally jealous soul. Maybe that's the dark irrational side of romanticism. Maybe?? totally is.

I'm going to leave off with the lyrics of Jeff Buckley's "Everybody Here Wants You"....

Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss, a singing smile,
coffee smell and lilac skin, your flame in me.
Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss, a singing smile,
coffee smell and lilac skin, your flame in me.
I'm only here for this moment.
I know everybody here wants you.
I know everybody here thinks he needs you.
I'll be waiting right here just to show you
How our love will blow it all away.
Such a thing of wonder in this crowd,I'm a stranger in this town, you're free with me.
And our eyes locked in downcast love, I sit here proud,
Even now you're undressed in your dreams with me.
I'm only here for this moment.
I know everybody here wants you.
I know everybody here thinks he needs you.
I'll be waiting right here just to show you
How our love will blow it all away.
I know the tears we cried have dried on yesterday
The sea of fools has parted for us
there's nothing in our way, my love
Don't you see, don't you see?
You're just the torch to put the flame to all our guilt and shame,
And I'll rise like an ember in your name.
You know I, you know I,I know everybody here wants you.
I know everybody here thinks he needs you.
I'll be waiting right here just to show you
Let me show that love can rise, rise just like embers.
Love can taste like the wine of the ages, babe.
And I know they all look so good from a distance,
But I tell you I'm the one.
I know everybody here thinks he needs you,thinks he needs you
And I'll be waiting right here just to show you.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Christ, it's cold. I just took some sudafed, so I'm all fucked up. I hate pseudoephedrine. I hate the way it makes me feel all speedy and loopy.

So Katie may be moving back to Algiers with Sofiane. They're just not diggin' the US scene. En plus, the govt is dragging it's feet on his paperwork. Fuckin' Homeland Security my ass. The damn president is in league with devil himself and yet the average citizen is getting treated like a fuckin' leper.

Was there ever the America I knew and loved?? What exactly am I pining away for?? Yet another illusory ideal??

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

I can't believe only 9 people have been to I actually can believe it, but I'm in denial.

So I had an interesting weekend. I nibbled on some pretty blonde's neck at a queer POC party. For whatever reason at different points during the night we both refused to give one another our names. Supposedly I'm supposed to see her at some potentially horrible play about butches and the femmes they love. Reticent is a word I feel like using right now.

You know, I don't mind being poor. I just shouldn't depend on my mom so much. Other than that, being poor is fine by me. It keeps one on their toes and makes life a little more flavorful. Besides, it won't always be like this. Really it won't.

I saw Ghost in the Shell 2 last night. It was pretty cool. I don't know how I feel about this digital animation craze, but the montage shots were amazing. I just wish I had gotten more stoned before going.

Ok so back to this cutie at Sweet Sessions...she was wearing Gucci Rush. Now, I don't know if I've told you that Gucci Rush is like my favorite scent on a woman, and that that has alot to do with the fact that a certain midwife in the Bronx rocked that scent a few years back. Anyway, I'm a sucker for the Gucci and a pretty blonde. Here's the thing tho...I was completely shit faced, as I'm want to do at that fuckin' fascistic scene. And while I remember pretty much everything, my intuition is all shot to hell. I have no clue as to whether or not she's actually interested, or if she was just as drunk as I was.

Oh what a desperate soul I've become.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

I was going to talk about something pretty interesting, but I forgot it from last night to today. I started riding the crimson wave yesterday. So now I'm miserable until I get home. My weekend starts today. I can't wait to get internet service back at the crib. But first things first, I'm breaking down and getting a celly. God help us.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

So this morning got off to a lame start. First, this old Russian cunt wouldn't give me a spot on the train, and then I get to work and someone dickhead threw out my food from the day before. Soooo bogus. I'm feelin' better though. The fall is coming on. Sometimes even in spite of old Russian cunts, I'm blown away that I live in NYC.

Monday, September 13, 2004

Real Genius is a great movie. You know, the movie Top Gun was very telling about the celebrity competition between Val Kilmer and Tom Cruise. Val had the skill, but Tom had that something.
This weekend was pretty cool. I missed an awesome party. Baby Phat was throwing something. This is exactly why I love this town. I wish I had some weed right now. What I would give for a little puff on the hash plant.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Texas won. Thank christ. I tried my hand at a cheese sauce last night. I don't know how well it went. It was tasty, but it looks kind of gross. I'm pretty convinced I don't know how to make cheese sauce. And I'm doubly confident that maybe I shouldn't substitute coconut milk for regular milk. It's just too risky.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

I really don't have much to say today, but I feel like I should because think blogging is good. I saw this fantastic documentary last night about the Watts Music Festival back in the 70s. Folks back then heralded it as the Black Woodstock. I'll be damned if the music wasn't fantastic, but I wan't down with the male chauvinist/male ass kissing that was going on. I still have beef with Black men I guess. The women were beautiful...and the god the fashion...I so need a fuschia suit with short pants. En plus, I need to rock the suit with tasteless jewelry and white knee high boots.

What kind of style do you have? How do you express yourself through clothes?

I also saw a documentary on 911 and the twin towers. That's still pretty intense.

You know what else I was thinking about? Mother Love Bone's "Chloe (Crown of Thorns)".
I remember when I had gotten back to Austin from my time in NYC, I had put this song on and felt the end come to that fleeting painfully beautifully alive affair. I couldn't accept it at that point, but when I looked back on that moment. The memory of that emotion was so clear.

I'm proud to say, that I won't forget the time laying by her side.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

It's beautiful outside, but a bit on the muggy side. En plus, I smoked a spliffy in the park. I've been having strange dreams lately. Like in one dream, I felt someone watching me while I slept. That dream freaked me out enough that I go to sleep with a big ass kitchen knife under the bed. Then last night I was listening to these freaky short stories being read over the radio. It wasn't even so much the stories as it was the damn background music that gave me the heebeegeebees.

I'm going to live abroad. Who knows maybe I'll meet my wife abroad.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

Am I an inadvertant morning person now?? I have no trouble getting up at 6:45am. I saw a bunch of great gangster flicks this weekend. Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead and Goodfellas. I would like to take inspiration from those flicks. The romance, the articulate violence...all of it. Ditto for the Woody Allen flick Manhattan. I'm so over hangin' with folks who hate on romantics. There was this great line in Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead where Andy Garcia's character is telling his beloved of the time before he laid eyes on her. He said he was a man with a fork in a sea of soup. I'm totally paraphrasing but it totally wrung true at the time. It still does.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Damn the public libraries and their time restrictions. I had a whole blog going, but then I forgot to save it. So what happened to my so-called writing career?? God only knows. I'm so over gainful employment. I feel like I've got beef with everyone, yet I'm feeling rather chipper. Tomorrow is going to be a hardcore day, I'll be getting no sleep behind protesting Bush's pesky ass. It's for a good cause right, en plus...maybe I'll smoke a little dope tonight. My connect is in Atlantic City gambling. As much as I'd like to think that I'll everually give up le''ll never happen. Looks like I'm takin' the A train uptown tomorrow.

The ego is a motherfucker.