Thursday, January 29, 2004

Sometimes I just scream at the TV, "Give it a rest already!". The mute button is my friend. I've been feeling very simple minded lately. I wonder why. Talk about sittin' in shit. I'm down in it. Gotta re-up. Re-focus. Really I want to be a bitch when I need to be. For that formula to work, I need to be bitchy more often than not. I'm not comfortable with collateral damage.

Somewhere in my recent past I can be quoted as saying, "I'm looking forward to the change in season." What a crock of shite. Snow is the most suck ass shit to walk thru. When I'm bankin', I will spend at least a weekend somewhere warm. But most importantly somewhere free of snow.

I don't know if I like the snowboarding set.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Dude, it's the Matrix. Are you people watching the State of the Union?! This bone headed, inarticulate, war mongering cocksucker has got the unmitigated gall to tell the nation that things are getting better. Fuck him and fuck this system. I don't want your fucking 100 year war. I don't want your fear. I don't want your colonization.

Bush must go. Cheney must. Rice must. And especially that motherfucker with conk Collin Powell. Don't ever trust a brother that chemically alters his hair and then wants to call himself a credit to the race.

Damnit I don't want to live in a fascist state!

Saturday, January 17, 2004

Another late night of porn, pot, and paranoia.

So I'm surfing the personals. The third pic into the grand tour was that of this sexy redhead. Well not so sexy any more since I have literally seen this woman evolve into a dot com love slut of some sort. For instance, her early pics were totally Buffy the corporate copywriter, then there was an ish (amorphus fashion) period, and now she's like a total writer/editor dyke hottie...Ok so maybe it's weird that I can even comment on this woman's development. But atleast I'm a relatively anonymous person on these things. Since we're talking a total virtual world here, she's the damn town bicycle. Well not really I'm just sexually frustrated. To her credit she does seem like a cool woman. I'd tell her as much if I ever saw her at the club. Yes, i know more stalker shit. But fuck that. All it means is that I pay attention to people.

My friend Steph is leaving back for Austin tomorrow. I'm so glad I got to see her and reaffirm our friendship. She is so happy and confident these days. I on the other hand, have been a total wreck with my typical freakish flourishes. I'm not leaving the house much, the apt is a wreck, and that's it. It's because I hate my job I suspect. Like that place can fucking blow me. As if I need these wretched banal assholes having me by the short and curlies. Christ, I'm the Black Gold of the Sun. Fuck them. I need to own that shit. Get comfortable with the idea of tearing people a new asshole the minute you fucking feel like doing it.

T-bo...fucking puny scab that he is, totally told me that he was comfortable with a loss of personal freedoms for increased security...

I went to this dyke party last night with Steph and Margarita. The party was like the a-list older dyke scene in austin. All white women of some sort, mostly priveleged, and frigid. The chick who invited was cool tho. Lynne may just end up a 'party friend' but that's cool everyone needs people like that in one's life. When it's time for amazing people to come into your life they will.

I'm really coming to love my neighborhood, and today Stephanie got to see a part of that. We rode the dollar van together. She was totally suspicious and leary of this endeavor. I tried to reassure in my verbose way that we're fine. The ride may be totally death defying but we'll be where we need to be toot sweet. Needless to say, we almost collided with a bus a couple of times. Anyway, when I was looking out that window and saw all the hustle and bustle we were flying past, I realized that I was that much more closer to seeing NYC as home. I've made my choice about where and how I want to live my life. Now I'm seeing and facing the implications. Basically, I realized I'm grown and shit in my life has majorly changed again. But this time the fear is manageable. It's the occasional despair that freaks me the fuck out.

Shannon was one of those people. I hope she comes back to NYC like she said she would.

Monday, January 12, 2004

How exactly does a tear of love fall? Personally, I think it falls like your girl's hair across your pillow. Christ this city makes me horny. That was definately something I noticed upon my return to the city. My sex drive went up exponentially. I can't even really tell you why. It's a cadre of things really. Memories, fantasies, colors, smells, eye me some eye contact in this city. Well, when it's with a woman. Sometimes the dudes are pretty fun too. Who knew the editrix from Honey mag was a high yellow catdog. Catdog is my affectionate term for bi racial people. It all started with my nephews. When they were just babies, we'd sit me, Jericho, and Aidan and watch cartoons. Spongebob, Rocko's Modern Life, Rugrats, and Catdog. Catdog was the story of an animal that was half dog and half cat. Jericho and Aidan are half Black Panamanian and Half Polish American. I started calling them catdogs, they always giggled, and that was that. It really doesn't get any deeper or racially charged than that. Black, White. Cat, Dog. Basic SAT shit.

Jesus how did I go from horny to this racial apologetics crap. Everybody knows that Verushka wants to taste the rainbow. I should make a shirt that says I heart Miscegenation. Now that's comedy.

Andre 3000 is my idol. Ok, Outkast as a creative entity is also my idol.

Damn. Where are my panties?